Skyrim review... *shudders*

Hello Gamers!

Let’s talk about Skyrim.

I think this is a perfect game

… For me to rip a new one into the fabric of gaming.

Yes, I don’t care what you say about Skyrim I will forever hate it.

“What do you hate about it Leif?” You might ask, well many things make me want to find every copy of this game and destroy them, but I’ll start out with the big ones.

I find the opening scene far too long, and the story is honestly boring.

It’s at least five to ten minutes, three of which you’re sitting in a cart, unable to move your body or your head. I found this very claustrophobic and annoying.

Once you get out of the cart, you get even more dialogue. To the point I actually fell asleep playing the game.

Well… on with the show… critique… whatever

First, as said before, the cinematic trailer was far too long, and a bit expositional. Expositional to me, is when a character’s interactions seem forced, artificial. Sometimes it’s not, and just feels that way, but that still means that the player will probably fall asleep when listening.

Secondly, one of the best parts of MMOs is the feature to truly customize your character. In Skyrim I felt more like I was filling out a lab report: bored. The customizations are all the same, and literally do nothing for your character’s appearance.

Thirdly, I think the game’s beginning missions were good, but again I nearly fell asleep when I was trying to get there. Maybe it’s just me but it took far too long to get anywhere on that game. In Star Wars the Old Republic, another MMO there was a speeder bike system that whisked you away at many times the speed of walking. In Skyrim you get a horse.

A SPEEDER BIKE DAMMIT!!!!!

That’s what Skyrim really needed, just dress it up as a dragon, or a magical elf or whatever you want it to be, you’ve obviously put lots of thought into this game.

Fourthly, when I first played this game, I loved it, but the thing was I didn’t know how to do anything. There was no tutorial, no hint, and especially no way to find where you’re going. There was no arrow on your compass, there was just lots of icons to different things that I had no idea what they belonged to.

Finally, I found the weight system stunning! Absolutely brilliant! Except I had no idea what it meant since there was no penalty for going over that I could see.

Actually, I lied, there is just one more thing. NCP’s are way too overpowered! I put on GODMODE and it took me about a day and a half to defeat THREE ENEMIES holding shields.

So that ends my rant, and I hope that you take your Christmas money, go to Best Buy, and DON’T BY THIS GAME. Happy Holidays.

And don’t forget:

JUST ONE SPEEDER BIKE WOULD HAVE MADE THIS SO MUCH BETTER

Er…

Resistance is Futile

Word Count: 564

P.S.

There was one awesome moment in the game, when I hit a friendly, and she responded “Don’t do that again!” and I thought “I wonder if that’s just looped in” so I tried it again, and she killed me. I then was taken to the hospital for busted gut syndrome.

Need for Speed (and a hospital)

Hello Gamers!

Today’s game review will be about Need for Speed: Most Wanted.

This is by far one of the most hilarious games I’ve ever played.

I only say this because I have a hobby, and that is trying to get the police cars to do ridiculously funny things trying to arrest me.
Sometimes this will be smashing into each other

Either way, I bust a gut just watching them topple over hilarious things to get to me; sometimes even causing more trouble than I think I’m worth.

There are some issues I have with the game however.

First, you’re an immortal god, which while it is funny, is sometimes unrealistic. I personally chalk this up as a positive part of the game, but you can take it either way.

Secondly (and these from now on are bad), when cop cars are after you, and you get “busted” there are no repercussions at all. There should be some sort of point value taken away from you when you are busted. It’s similar to Grand Theft Auto five when you die; you just walk out of the hospital Scott free.

Thirdly, the map

I love the map, and I find only one issue with it, and those are fall zones. You can find incredible amounts of places where you just fall off the earth. While this is funny from time to time, during a race it’s really pissing annoying, too.

Fourthly, the cars

There are a wide variety of cars, but I’ve noticed that they all basically handle the same, just at different speeds. You could have ludicrous speed and still have the same handling as if you were going ten miles an hour.

Fifthly, and this kind of goes with number 1, your character doesn’t die from the horrible things you can smash into. What I mean is: you can smash sideways into a wall going over two hundred miles an hour, and your character will simply shake it off… but I suppose if it were more real YOU WOULD NEVER DRIVE AGAIN ANYWAY…

Well, that does it for this critique, see ya next time gamers

Resistance is Futile

Word Count: 361